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I'm a woman who's all about going out with nice guys. I'm not an anomaly of the XX chromosome, I'm not boring, overly domestic, and certainly not a prude. But after kissing a few frogs, I've learned the benefits of always choosing a heart of gold over a tall, dark, and handsome jerk.
I'm just a girl who's done putting up with the BS and douchebaggery of bad boys. People tend to want what they can't have, or be attracted to a challenge (bad-boy appeal in a nutshell).
The thing is, while we're constantly on the lookout for that super sweet, caring guy who will make a great companion, we're actually attracted to the guy who ignites passion within us. There's just something so satisfying about taking the jerk home from the bar who's spent most of the night intellectually challenging you in a heated verbal debate. This nice guy stereotype contends that women often claim they want a nice guy, a man who is sweet, kind and sensitive, and yet, when it comes down to it, she rejects this man for one with “other salient characteristics” like a hot body or an ultra strong personality.
Both studies found that “nice” qualities were more desirable for long-term relationships while physical attractiveness prevailed in terms of sexual relationships: Niceness appeared to be the most salient factor when it came to desirability for more serious relationships, whereas physical attractiveness appeared more important in terms of desirability for more casual, sexual relationships.
"Once we move in together" or "as soon as he's done with his master's program" or "he's just really stressed at work right now" -- NO.
Relationships can't be propped up on the promise of things being better some day. Rough patches or dealing with normal, everyday hazards is one thing.
But relationships need to be you and your mate taking on the world together -- not in spite of each other.
I know that nice guys aren't always born that way, and most certainly aren't made overnight.
Neil Strauss wrote about gleefully chasing tail as a pick-up artist, and grew stoic years later when he admitted he was a sex addict.
But we're also getting better at weeding them out for the good ones.
My mother dated a pathological liar all through her 20s (no, not my father) as her way of escaping pressures to be and act a certain way.
Today, we know there are better roads to self-discovery than dating someone who's obviously not good for you. Point is, I know can find myself in better ways than dating a guy who doesn't listen to and respect me.
Too many of us have been with people whose greatness we waited for.
As hypothesized, women who placed a lesser emphasis on the importance of sex had fewer sexual partners, were less accepting of men who had many sexual partners and were more likely to choose the nice guy as a dating partner.