Dating while divorcing with kids
Now, let’s talk about some tips on dating during or after your divorce.
Don’t take this whole dating thing, or yourself, too seriously after your divorce.
Approach every date with the knowledge that you can regale your friends with horror stories from the experience, if it doesn’t go the way of a romantic comedy.
Maybe join groups or take classes that could have likeminded single people: hiking, biking, wine tasting, travel, film watching, etc.
My friend’s resentment was just fear dressed up as something else, and the girlfriend was just collateral damage. He’s doing the best he can, and the last thing he needs is to feel even guiltier than he already feels.
That clear and simple explanation cracked everything wide open for me. Even though I already knew that, it hit me in a new way when my friend explained it. Chances are, no matter where he is, he feels like he’s letting someone down, and between the two factions in his life, you are (supposedly) the grown-up. Sometimes when parenting duties push me off the docket, I can see in his eyes how torn up he feels—how much he hates disappointing me but has no choice.
Be wary, however, of those who will be in your world for a while. If he was paternalistic and controlling, go for someone fun-loving and a bit of a bad boy.
Although it is one way to meet people, single parents of your kids’ schoolmates, co-workers and your ex’s buddies can complicate things, so be cautious. If she was wild and irrational, try shy and bookish.
But this period is for The Three E’s – Exploration, Experience and Experimentation.
When I am my better self and I see that look in his eyes, I give him a kiss, tell him I love him, and go on my way.
(I am not always my better self.) If he was the kind of man who would put his girlfriend before his kids, you wouldn’t want him.
Yeah, I know, the children of the man I love don’t want me around, which makes said man feel guilty and stretched in too many directions, in turn causing fear and insecurity for us both.
Tell me one more time that it’s not personal, I dare you. His kids dislike you only as a concept, not as a person—they’re looking for that same safety and stability we all are, and you just happen to be the embodiment of all that threatens that.
Kids have an instinct for sniffing out bullshit, and if you try too hard, they’ll take a magnifying glass to whatever warts they’ve already decided you have.